she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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