i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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