He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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