Can Purell be used as lube?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
