Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
