If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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