Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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