she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
