My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
