i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The adults are the big ones right?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
