we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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