Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
