Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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