Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Your cock deserves a montage
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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