Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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