What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
