So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
