I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
