Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
