You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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