remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
