How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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