Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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