So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize