She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
