im six kinds of drunk right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
