Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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