Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
