If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize