Will you blow on my dice?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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