She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the day after is always just damage control
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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