Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
