Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
