I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
