Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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