During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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