dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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