I've blown a few things in my day
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
