so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
