Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
