I think I won the penis lottery.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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