You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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