Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
