Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
