i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
