Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
