she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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