Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
