Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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