i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
