Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
