I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
