No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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