I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
