Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
