Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
