i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
