why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
