is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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