Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
