so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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