just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
