We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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