i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His hands were made for my vagina.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
