from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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