John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
