Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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