I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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