I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this will be a night to untag.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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