just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
