She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
