Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
