these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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