The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
