Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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