Just cropdusted the office
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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