I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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