she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
