Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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