with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
