You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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