It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
