If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
