Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
