Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize